Here we GO!

Hi welcome to my new blog all about the trials and tribulations of that pesky thing called weight loss. I am a 30 year old mother of three wonderful babies, Kaden, my oldest son- age 7, Kara, my middle darling daughter- age 6, and Dominic, my bouncing baby boy- age 2mo. I am the wife to a great man, Joe, who is my love, my support, and has made it possible for me to be a full time mommy. I am the chef, the chauffeur, the maid, the booger wiper, the boo-boo kisser, as well as the human pacifier. But as much as I LOVE playing all these rolls....somewhere along the way I lost sight of just being Kyla.

After giving birth to my latest and greatest, I saw a picture of myself, and that's when it really hit me ...sadly I am FAT!!! I kept seeing the number on the scale all the while thinking I was just one of those people who looked way skinnier than the number on the scale reflected. I would watch the show biggest looser and think, there is no way SHE weighs THAT!!!! That is close to MY weight and she still looks HUGE! For some reason I had the opposite body image that a lot of people seem to have (including myself at a younger age) I let my mind think I was skinnier than I actually was. Therefore thinking... I only need to lose a couple pounds, I'm not THAT bad. Well, I have finally come to terms that I am nearly 60 pounds overweight.....60 POUNDS????? How did this happen? How did I LET this happen???What could I have done differently?

In the last couple of weeks, while trying to decide if I'm really ready to do this,I have realized a few things about myself:
1. I LOVE FOOD....I think food is wonderful, all kinds...I put food on a pedestal. TONS of our activities are centered around food... going out to eat with friends, family gatherings, entertainment when there is nothing else to do. Food is EVERYTHING to me.....you go to the movies for the yummy buttery popcorn,you go to the fair for funnel cakes, you go to a baseball game for the hot dog and beer. Even trips we would take would be all about food....my husband and I went to New York and instead of an itinerary that read the usual: Statue of Liberty, Times square,Rockefeller center.... ours was: lunch at Wo Hop, snack at Sabretts, dinner at Nobu, dessert at labella Ferrara
2. I AM LAZY.... I have a gym membership...do I go??? noooo! And WHY don't I go you might ask??? Well, I have a whole SLEW of excuses: I have no time, I get all sweaty and have to take another shower, I can't leave the baby, I'm too tired....list list goes on and on.
3. I have EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE. Baggage that has brought my self-worth to an all time low, baggage that I need to work through before I can possibly do this. You see I got married the first time around at a far too young of an age to a far too demeaning and controlling man. I weighed 125 when we met at age 18, we were engaged by the time I was 19 and married just days after my 20th birthday. I remember two instances that scar my self image still to this day. One of which was after we had been dating for sometime, somehow we had gotten on the subject of our first impressions of each other. This is when he confessed that he thought I was really pretty, if only my thighs weren't so big. Well this immediately sent me to tears.... we all have those things we wish we could change about ourselves, well this was my "thing" I had always HATED my thighs. I always wanted those long sleek sexy legs, but at 5'3 and a half (yes....my fellow short girls understand...the half is VERY important) I wasn't blessed with these legs. I have a very athletic build with short legs that are bulky with muscle.And no matter how skinny I am,my thighs never go away. To me this statement reinforced every negative feeling I had ever thought about them though. For every good thought my mom ever tried to put in my head, he erased them ALL. Another time, we were at the pharmacy where they had one of those stupid "are you the right weight" scales. Now, I HATE scales, I always have...even at an appropriate weight I never weighed in front of anyone. He put his quarter in, weighed himself...of course no surprises there..he was Mr. six pack, eat whatever you want, never gain an ounce guy. However then he started pressuring ME to get on the scale...not only in front of him... but in PUBLIC!!! I didn't want to,but he made me. I weighed 138...I was devastated! I hadn't weigh myself in so long...I had held true to the old "freshman 15" saying. I was upset and embarrassed, I felt insecure and ugly and those feelings were confirmed by my soon to be husband. Instead of being positive and saying you're beautiful, I love you, lets start being more active and before you know it those few pounds will be gone..... he made a shocked face, then a disgusted face and said he wasn't gonna marry a girl who could almost wear HIS jeans. I should have known then and there that this was a guy NOT to marry...but...live and learn, right?
I endured 6 years of marriage FULL of mental abuse. By the time I found out I was pregnant with my first child at 23, I was 150. I only gained 23 lbs, but this sent my weight soaring. Before I had even a millisecond to think about loosing the baby weight... I got pregnant with my second when Kaden was only 8 weeks old. Another 25 or so pounds and I had almost creeped up to the 200 pounds mark. A year and a half later and our marriage was over and I was about 175-180lbs. Through the divorce I lost 15-20 lbs, partly due to stress and partly due to the giant weight of unhappiness being lifted off my shoulders, and was down to 160. I started dating Joe, and things were SOOOOO different! We married a year later and THIS time the pounds came on out of happiness and being comfortable knowing that my husband thought I was beautiful no matter what. I went back up to 180, then 185, 190,...and finally 192...I remember the number vividly! I FREAKED,the most I had weighed EVER...even pregnant!!!! I joined the gym the next day, worked out HARD and ate right for 2 weeks and got down to 188...then found out I was preggers AGAIN. Nine months later and I was tipping the scales at 211 lbs....200 and 11 POUNDS.... my LORD!!!! I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Jan 17, he is 10 weeks old as I start my journey. Amazingly enough, I lost every single pound of my baby weight plus one already and I didn't do a thing to lose it...just breastfeeding.
I am starting my journey at 187....my journey to finally win the war against myself. I am the only one holding myself back. I CAN DO THIS!
Stay tuned for an explanation of what lifestyle changes I am making...including diet as well as exercise...in addition to daily updates...and YES I will post before pics and will show updates throughout my loss!
If any of you out there are in the same boat as me...you lost track of you, and packed on the pounds....start TODAY, do this for yourself. Lets do it together!!! I would love your support and encouragement and I hope I can be an inspiration and motivation to you! You are worth it!!!!